Every now and then you find an idea that is pure genius, wondering why you didn’t think of it first.
Savage Chickens was created by Doug Savage and speaks to every cubicle dweller that ever harbored the dream of leaving their job in style (or at least with some solid snark).
Enjoy these posts. (Get it? Posts?) And remember that there are creative ways to funnel your frustration right on your desk.
Using yellow stickies for the enhancement of mankind
Haiku is a beautiful form of Japanese poetry that brings to mind images of flowers, tranquility and deep meaning. Classic haiku is only three lines long with a 5-7-5 pattern. Thus the first and last lines are five syllables; the second line is seven syllables. What I love about haiku is that it is an efficient form of writing where every word counts.
I apologize to the haiku enthusiasts for bastardizing the format by writing about office life.
Meeting ambles on
Long discourse about nothing
Bored employees sigh
See how much fun this is? Here’s another one:
Win-win, synergy, bandwidth
My cubicle haiku lacks the artistry and elegance of the typical haiku, but it does get the point across.
My challenge is to create your own and send to me. I promise to share the good ones.
Another ‘must know’ to survive Corporateland is how to manage the professional goals the company insists you write for yourself. As we speak I am wordsmithing my annual development goals with thesaurus in hand. What I hate about this exercise is that I may be setting myself up for failure. Eight months from now a manager can point his finger at me, then at the goals I wrote, and tell me how I failed. Not only did I fail, I failed at something I devised and agreed to. Catch-22 corporate style.
So it was Kismet that I came across this blog post today.
I’m feeling better already….
To My Esteemed Colleague:
Hey, you! Yes, I’m talking to you! Shut the hell up, will ya?
I know you don’t like the new system we implemented this week. But don’t shout at me to get your point across. Telling me, or rather yelling at me, about what’s wrong with this new approach (and expecting me to be able to do anything about it) is like asking my cat to approve your expense report. Neither of us has the authority to do much of anything. Plus the next time you need something I can actually do for you? Well, let’s just say one of the few powers I do have is to prioritize you to the bottom of my list.
Take a look at the company org chart. See how the two of us are way down in the lower left corner? You’re barking at the wrong wrung in the ladder. Please redirect your wrath up a couple of notches. Then take a deep breath and begin again. You may get more done that way (or piss off a manager who has the power to surgically remove you from the company).
The Alienated Co-Worker
If you’re a corporate drone you don’t need any explanation about this clip. It’s #1 on my list of recommendations for corporate survival. Enjoy!
Here at Corporate Girl I realize I have a responsibility to shine a light on the silly witless corporate lifestyle. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I decided to create this blog and post regularly in 2011.
I know it won’t be easy, but I’m determined to explore every nook and cranny on the cubicle farm. (Let’s be honest, I don’t have to dig too far to find good material in Corporateland.) But to keep me on track I’m making use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.
If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll (1) laugh and (2) encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.
Once a day I head up to the convenience store in our office building. There I can purchase coffee, snacks, breath mints, energy bars and sandwiches. There is also a small selection of drugs – the legal kind, the sort you’d find in a Walgreens. Similar to an airport, these drugs are sold in small, single-use packets. There’s allergy meds, analgesics, heartburn pharmaceuticals and Advil PM.
Advil PM?! The stuff that makes you sleep like a baby?
Now I can imagine all kind of reasons why I’d toss down a couple Advil PM during a work day:
- A staff meeting
- Company-wide training
- Having to view any PowerPoint presentation with more than ten slides
Or perhaps the dreamy medicine would take away the edge of listening to a cranky co-worker share (with anyone who’ll listen) tales about being overworked and under-appreciated. Maybe I would feel euphoric, less stressed and, oddly, happy about debugging that spreadsheet. Or I would be in such a deep sleep that I won’t give a damn about anything.
Not giving a damn…. Of course! That’s why there’s Advil PM is in our convenience store. It’s an evil plot hatched by management to make zombies out of us. We’ll agree to anything so long as we can lie down for a couple minutes, much like Dorothy in the poppy field. Later we’ll awaken to the flying monkeys and a green-faced witch (or is that the All Staff meeting?).
I can also take the Advil PM home so I can sleep at night without the tossing and turning, no doubt caused by the work anxiety.
I see the wisdom of offering this pharmaceutical to us. If I can get an IV drip I would have the best work week ever.